Ball Cap or Bows?

Our Sweet Blessing,
After much waiting and anticipation, we finally got to know if you will be a girl or a boy.  So many friends and family came to celebrate with us.  It was such a blessing to see how many people love this Billman family of 3 and know that we are being covered in their prayers. 

Since your Mommy has a sweet tooth, we had cupcakes that were filled with colored icing.  The color told us if we would be buying dresses or bow ties.  On top of the cupcakes where little bows, some pink and some blue.  This was for our sweet family and friends to try to guess which one you would be.  We also had pink and blue straws to go in everyone's drink to show their guesses. 

 

Then came the best part; your daddy prayed with everyone.  It was a wonderful moment to see your Daddy lead both of us well.  Then for the surprise of whether you were a boy or a girl.  As they bit into the cupcake, they found that you are ... A GIRL!  There was pink icing in each cupcake.  Everyone was so excited to finally be able to say "she" when talking about you. 
We were asked if we had picked a name for you but your Daddy and I wanted a chance to talk about it first.  After much thought and many lists, we came up with your name: Landry Katherine Billman.  Your middle name is after two women in our family, your Aunt Katie and your great grandmother Catherine Christopherson.  Both women love the Lord and love you very much!  You have 3 great grandmothers that can't wait to see you in April. 

And we have two more babies that will be coming around the same time that you will.

The day was a blast!  We are so blessed by so many friends and family.  I can't wait for you to meet all of them. 

We love you, Landry, and can't wait to hold you in our arms! 

Want to know a secret?

Dear Little One,
Today we are letting everyone know that you will be arriving April 14, 2013.  Your Daddy and I have prayed for you for so long we almost can't believe that you are growing in my tummy.  While this road has not been easy, we would do it all over again for you.  We have watched you go from just a little tadpole to having arms, legs, a mouth and every major organ.  Today, you are 3 inches long, weighing at roughly an ounce.  All your aunts have continued to shower you with love before you even get here.  Your grandparents think that you are the greatest thing they have ever seen and can't wait for your arrival.  Your Daddy and I pray for you every night, that the Lord would keep you safe and let you grow big and strong.  We pray for the man/woman you will be someday, asking the Lord to make us parents that direct you toward Him, knowing that He is your only hope in this world.

We have an appointment with the doctor next week and before you know it, we will find out if we need pink bows or blue sailboats.  I can't wait to hold you in my arms, kiss you, and sing sweet songs of grace over you as you sleep.  Your Daddy is a wonderful man.  He works so hard so that I get to stay home with you when you arrive.  I'm not sure there is a greater gift that a husband can give his family.  He has a picture of you on his nightstand that the doctor took while you rest in my tummy.  He loves you so much and talks to you often.  Your Dad is the most patient, serving person I know.  The way he holds my hair back when I'm sick and rubs my back when I am not feeling well is a great reminder of the kind of Dad he is going to be to you.  Keep growing strong, my blessing.  We are so excited to meet in the spring!

After reading Chris' testimony on the blog, I figured that it would be suiting for my first post to be my testimony. It's also fun to do today since it's our 2 year anniversary!

I grew up in a Christian home with a fantastic family. I became a Christian at the age of 5 praying next to both of my parents asking for Christ to "come into my heart". As I got older, I realized that this decision was the most important one I would ever make. I went to church and a private school where I started understanding what it meant to live like a Christian. My faith was first truly tested when I was a freshman in high school. My older sister was in a car wreck and was careflighted to the hospital. When my family and I arrived, the doctors told us that she would need emergency surgery for the next 16 hours and had very little chance of making it through the night. I was in shock and had no idea what to do or think. As I watched my parents struggle through the situation, I noticed that they had a peace that confused me. It was there that I realized I had two options: I could either reject the notion that there is a God that loved me and cared for me, or I could believe the things that I had heard my whole life. I chose to lean fully on God and see if He could really comfort me. He did. Against all odds, my sister survived. A little over a year later, my faith was tested again. I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and was told that I would be insulin dependent for the rest of my life. The diagnosis did not rattle me as much as the doctor expected. As he continued to explain how difficult it would be, I could only remember how faithful God had been the year before. I had experienced His peace before and knew that He would be there for me. These two experiences shaped how I would respond to every other circumstance in my life. Through college, I pursued God. Life was void of terribly difficult circumstances and things were going well. I was dating an amazing, Godly woman and had some awesome friends. I graduated college and prepared to marry my best friend. One week before the wedding, Chris went to the ER with terrible abdominal pain. She was diagnosed with Crohn's disease and released from the hospital 5 days before the wedding. Again, I rested on God because I knew He would bring us through this. We made it through our wedding and were able to joke about the fact that we both have incurable illnesses. Unfortunately, the most recent difficult circumstances was one of the hardest ones for me. Three months ago today, we found out that we miscarried our first child. The wound is still fresh, but I know that I am not alone. Even though I don't understand why this happened, I simply have to trust God. He has never left me nor forsaken me (Hebrews 13:5), and I trust that He never will. I could list all of the verses that I cling to in order to make it through each day, but those don't mean anything if I don't trust Him. That's what it means to follow Him, right? Whether I feel like it or not, I make the choice to trust that He will lead me better than I could lead myself.

A Day to Remember

Today I was finally baptized for the first time.  While I was very nervous to give my testimony, the Lord is good and helped me every step of the way, even if there were lots of tears.  I couldn't be any more thankful to have family, community, and close friends with me today, supporting me in a way that only followers of Christ can do.  I was able to see baptism in a way that I had never seen it before.  It was close and intimate and yet still with 200 people.  What I have realized more than anything is that I need to tell my story more.  Since I have not done that on this blog, it is about time.  I hope to get Brett on here soon and have him write his as well.
I grew up in a Christian home.  Both parents had accepted Christ at an earlier age and were pursuing Him whole heartedly when I came along.  They enrolled me in a private Christian school.  I knew the story of Jesus like it was a common bedtime story.  When I was eleven and at Pine Cove Christian Camp, I decided that I really understood what it meant to be a follower of Christ and put my trust in Him.  After many years of  "doing the right thing", I hit a point where I was tired of being a good person.  I thought that I didn't really understand what the Lord saved me from because I had always steered clear of the don'ts in the Bible.  At the beginning of high school, I decided that I wanted to live my own way, apart from what my family, close friends, and school was telling me how to live.  After involving myself in relationships with people that did not pursue a relationship with Christ and a boy that I thought would be my savior, I realized that I was empty and living a lie.  As I started to end some aspects of these relationships, the lies I had been telling people for a year caught up to me.  My parents ended any communication that I had with the people that were not pursuing Christ and at that time, I had pushed away all the friends that really meant something to me because their relationship with Christ made me feel guilty for not living the way that would reflect the Holy Spirit dwelling in me.  I felt alone and unworthy of anyone's love.  A new teacher at my high school asked me to stay after class one day and told me that she had been praying since the summer about taking three girls under her wing to mentor.  She explained that my name kept popping up more and more during her times with the Lord.  After a year of mentorship, I realized that I was broken, alone, and felt completely unworthy of love that would come from a perfect God.  It was then that I realized that I was not able to do this life on my own.  I accepted the Lord's forgiveness, while still struggling to forgive myself for the poor decisions I had made.  Certain verses kept creeping up in my mind that reassured Christ's love for me, that I was worthy to be loved by a perfect God.  Romans 5:8 says "But God demonstrates His love for us in this, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  As I started to think about what true love looked like, the ideas of the world fell short.  I had partaken in the worlds view of "love" and it was anything but satisfying.  I found that the only true love is selfless and undeserving.  That was Christ's love.  There is nothing I can do to earn it and nothing I can do to lose it.
I will be the first one to tell you that I am a work in progress.  I am by no means perfect.  However, much has changed since then.  I was blessed to marry a man who loves the Lord as much as I do and pursues Him daily.  The Lord uses Brett to spur me on to grow in my faith with the Lord.  I look to the Lord in times of joy, offering thanksgiving, and times of sorrow, looking to Him for comfort and refuge.  The Lord is the only one that has brought us on the other side of not just 1 but 2 chronic illnesses in our family of 2 and a miscarriage.  We rejoice in who the Lord is because He is Good, Loving, Compassionate, Full of Grace and Mercy.  And the best part is, it is all free. 
I love telling my story of Grace.  It is one that usually I can't even get through without crying because I understand better now than ever how much His sovereignty and love affect me every day!
He is the reason I get up in the morning and the reason I can lay down at night.  I will praise His name forever!

Teachings that Can be so Bittersweet

It has been a while since I last wrote something on here. I wish this post could be more uplifting but at last, the Lord does not promise that this life will be easy.
Brett and I found out about a month ago that we were expecting our first child! We were so excited and couldn't wait to tell everyone. Even though this was our first response, we knew that it was wise to just wait for a few more weeks before we told the world (from the mountain tops if we could!)
Unfortunately, yesterday things made a turn that we had feared even before we got pregnant. It was confirmed today that our little pumpkin went to be with the Lord and that we would not be able to greet our little peanut this fall. While devastation hit yesterday, a sort of peace came over both of us today.
Lately I have been struggling with understanding God's love. People have told me my whole life that the Lord loves me. But what does that look like? Through this experience, I am starting to understand. One verse that Brett encouraged me to memorize during the pregnancy was one of the best ones that I could have learned.
Nahum 1:7 - The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble; he cares for those that trust in Him.
How powerful! Here is where I see his love for me: I have a husband that displays Christ daily. He has cried with me and held me throughout this whole thing. I have a family that bends over backwards to feed us or to come and led kisses and hugs after their own busy days. Brett and I are surrounded by believers, both at work and at church, that pray for us continually and offer support that could not come from just anyone. The Lord is showing his love for us through each one of these people in my life. I cling to his promise that he is my refuge. Today, I found myself praying, telling the Lord that I am so happy that my baby gets to be with Him and that someday, I will get to be with the two of them as well. What more could I ask for? My baby is not lost, but is comforted more than I ever could here on earth. While Brett and I still mourn, we look at this time to be together, to love on one another, and to look to our Savior, remembering that He is Sovereign. He does not make mistakes. This baby was not a mistake and losing him/her was not a mistake either.