Billmans' Blessings: June 2013

My little girl,
Your mommy is out for the evening, so you and I get one of our "Daddy-Daughter" nights. I'm still trying to figure out exactly how to do this. I have never spent much time around babies, but it seems that I can't get enough of you! This parenting thing is proving to be challenging. More than anything else, you're showing me how selfish of a person I can be. As most people know, I don't do well when my day isn't planned out by the minute. I do even worse when my plans are derailed by something unexpected. This has been completely turned upside down over the last 12 weeks. I am learning to be flexible which, as your Mommy knows, isn't a natural trait of mine. Take tonight for example. You are sitting right next to me refusing to sleep. I've tried everything that I've seen your Mommy do for you, but it just doesn't work. She is so much better at these things than I am. Still, I really am trying to get better. I was watching TV as I fed you. I looked down and saw that you were entranced by the TV as well. I thought to myself "Is this really how I want to spend time with my daughter?". So, we turned it off and went to your room to see if I could get you to go to sleep.

As I was sitting in your room holding you, I decided to read to you out of your Jesus Storybook Bible. We read about Moses and the Ten Commandments. We read about how the Israelites were unable to keep all of the rules all of the time. The story ended by reminding us of the most important thing:

"Only one Person could keep all the rules. And many years later God would send him - to stand in their place and be perfect for them. Because the rules couldn't save them. Only God could save them."

My eyes welled up with tears as I read this out loud to you. It's very tempting for me to get caught up with rules and regulations. It's easy for me to think God loves me more or less depending on the things I do that day, but that's not true. God loves me in spite of the things I do. He has already done everything that needs to be done. He gave His son to die in my place and in yours. This is the absolute most important thing I could ever teach you.

Micah 6:8 "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

My Sweet Girl,
It feels like yesterday that we brought you home from the hospital. Your Daddy and I had a great time leading up to your birth. We got to choose the day to go to the hospital to have you because of a medicine I had to take to keep you and me safe. We went in Tuesday night, April 3rd. Before we checked in, your Daddy and I went and had one last date night as just the two of us. We had a great time talking about how we would be holding you soon and how our life was getting ready to change in a wonderful way. We listened to The Great Adventure by Steven Curtis Chapman because you are part of our Great Adventure here on earth.

After a very restless night due to contractions, they started me on a medicine to make you come a little faster and broke my water. You were so warm and cozy inside my tummy that you didn't want to come out at first. After laboring all day, it was time to push at 12:30am Friday morning. I pushed for two and a half hours before you decided you wanted to come. At 2:59am on Friday, April 5th, you took your first breathe. We were so excited to have you here so that we could hold you and kiss you. You weighed 8 pounds, 8 ounces and were 21 inches long. Even though it was a very exhausting 27 hours, we couldn't be any more thankful that you were healthy and perfect.
After so much needed rest and many visitors, it was time to take you home. Your Daddy and I were ready to bring you to a place we had spent months preparing for your arrival. I can remember riding home thinking of how incredibly blessed I am to have you in the back seat, happy and healthy, and have your Daddy, the man who would lead us toward Christ every day and who I love with all my heart, right next to me.

Since then, the days have flown by. You are growing up so fast! You love bath time and being held by me or your Daddy. Music brightens you up when you are sad or makes your legs pump with joy. Everyone loves your hair, even though it won't seem to sit down. We can't ever seem to get enough of you! I love talking to you, reading books with you, and kissing your toes and chubby cheeks. You are truly a wonderful gift!

Sweet Landry, please remember this: you are loved by your Daddy and me but we are here to shepherd you to know the Lord. He has entrusted us in this short time here on earth to be your parents. But he loves you more than we ever could. That thought is hard for me to wrap my head around since I love you more than I ever imagined. The question I have had to ask myself many times over and over again is "What does it look like to be a successful mom?" For a long time after you were born, I constantly felt like I was failing you because of thinking you were too hot, too cold, not full, too full, needed a pacifier, didn't need a pacifier, needed interaction, was over stimulated, and on and on. What I had to realize was success was showing you, even at this young of an age, that I need a Savior every single day. Without him, I am lost and so are you. Your Daddy and I cry out to Him everyday, asking Him to shepherd us as we shepherd you. Without Him, this life is meaningless, hopeless, and empty. This world will try to tell you what success looks like (money, men, materials), but I beg you not to listen. When I sing you the songs that are straight from scripture or Daddy recites verses over you on Saturday mornings, it is to remind you that we need him every second of every day.